Dear FedEx

May 13, 2007

An MP3 of Dear FedEx is available here.

Dear FedEx, Dear FedEx, I write to complain
Your man left my parcels all out in the rain
Four hundred dollars direct down the drain
My valuable artwork’s now covered in stains

Dear FedEx, Dear FedEx, would you please tell me why
You’ve chosen that route for my package to fly
Bozeman to Berlin then Moscow, Mumbai
Melbourne, Mexico, Memphis, Big Sky

Dear FedEx, Dear FedEx, the air’s turning blue
I’ve been calling all morning, I’ve still not got through
I’m stuck navigating your computer menu
Which tells me my call is important to you

Dear FedEx, Dear FedEx I’m all in a huff
About how your mailman mishandled my stuff
I labelled it ‘FRAGILE’ quite clearly enough
But he must have misread this as ‘HANDLE ME ROUGH’

Dear FedEx, Dear FedEx, you’re useless at best
You brought half my parcels and lost all the rest
I’d rate you zero – or possibly less
And when I send you this letter, I’ll use UPS.


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