Show Up Naked With Some Food

June 23, 2007

No MP3 of Show Up Naked… is currently available.

A friend of mine came up to me today
She said “Hello Kensson!” (She’s friendly that way)
“There’s this guy I really fancy but he doesn’t appreciate the way I feel.”
I said “This man is obviously an imbecile!”
She said “Well yes, he’s a man.” I said “That’s not very nice!
“And if you’re going to be like that, I’m not going to give you advice.”
She apologised and I said “OK, your problem is easily resolved:
“There’s a surefire way to get almost any man romantically involved.
“I don’t know what’s the matter with this dude
“His perspective on things is badly skewed
“But he will no longer need to be pursued
“If you show up naked with some food.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” she said, “but he’s staying at the Lewis and Clark
“Motel, and if you think I’m walking past the Haufbrau completely stark
“Naked, you’re sadly mistaken.”
I smiled, “Point taken.
“Even on a summer night, temperatures here can drop to freezing
“And it ruins the effect if you stand on the doorstep sneezing.
“Perhaps you’re worried he might think you crude
“But don’t be! No man is that much of a prude
“You’re bound to catch him in the mood
“If you show up naked with some food.”

“Before I go,” she said, “just a couple more things.
“What kind of food would you recommend I bring?”
I said “This calls for top-class catering
“So visit Cosmic, purveyors of pizza fit for a king.”
“And what about perfume – might the wrong scent deflect the darts of Cupid?”
I said “Look. You’re going to stand on his doorstep. In the buff. With a pizza. And you’re worried you’re going to smell stupid?”
“And what if he doesn’t fancy me – do all my dreams go down the pan?”
I just smiled – “Like you told me, he’s a man.
“These are not issues upon which you should brood
“They simply don’t matter when you’re nude
“Your intent will not be misconstrued
“If you show up naked with some food.”

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