TV review, Monday July 9th

July 10, 2007

So, I was in the gym last night, trying to earn the banana split coming my way later in the evening. The seven o’clock hour (mountain time) is a time of slim pickings when you’ve left your iPod in the car and have to make do with the TV screens in front of you for entertainment. Once The Simpsons is over, the athlete is faced with a terrible choice: one screen one, baseball. Not even a proper match, but a home-run hitting contest. Screen two shows Wife Swap, in which a very short, very laid back mother swapped families with an ultra-competitive… well, whatever, I wasn’t watching it. On screen four, there appeared to be some kind of reality show about picking a woman out of a zillion choices. Fox News was right out, for obvious reasons, which left the remaining news channel on screen 3.

I won’t name the news channel, not because I’m fearful of recriminations, but because I’ve forgotten which one it was, and my rigorous research has so far failed to find the show that was on. I was possibly distracted by one of the husbands dressing up as a leprechaun. In any case, the vitally important news topic, warranting a 10-minute segment, was that John Mark Karr – a guy who claimed to have killed JonBenet Ramsay but was proven innocent* – has (of all things!) been dating somebody! Hypothesis: there must be something wrong with this woman. Let’s bring in the TV psychologists on split screens!

They were careful, being scientists, to state that they didn’t know the lady in question, and that it would be most improper to diagnose her without blah blah blah, before going on to diagnose her. The host had no such compunction; he obviously had ambitions of being the next Bill O’Reilly** and liberally threw out words like nutjob and implications that Karr would inevitably leave his new friend for someone much younger, while the autocue clearly read [raise eyebrow].

The conclusion of this compelling piece of TV journalism was that it was utterly terrible that some loser would choose to date an “even bigger loser”, simply to get a bunch of publicity and make an impact which would doubtless be damaging for her.

I’m going to have to claim that the reason I kept watching was to check to see if any of the three people on screen had any idea what the word ‘irony’ meant. The answer, it transpired, was something about rain on one’s wedding day.

* it would never have happened in Texas

** I mean… wouldn’t it be better just to have no ambition at all?

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