Somebody Like You

An MP3 of dubious quality is available here.

Accidentally met in Kinburn Park
At ten to six, it was getting dark
You said you’d had a dreadful day,
It seemed the world was in your way
You said “I could do with somebody like you”

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Plinth of Darkness

No MP3 of Plinth of Darkness is currently available.

I had a nightmare the other night, about a monster totally white
Well over two metres in stature
But the thing that scared me more, was the uncanny resemblance it bore
To a real-life monster named Margaret Thatcher

It’s cold, it’s unmoving and it has no heart
So how do we tell Mrs Thatcher and the statue apart?

Sunrise on the Rhône

No MP3 of this is available yet – working on it.

Be careful what you wish for, careless words wash worlds away
If you lose, your thoughts are tortured, if you win then they
Come true, it’s worse if they come true

The Well of Tears

Co-written with Stephen Bruce. No MP3 is available.

It seems you’ve sold your soul for a pocketful of gold
Everything you once believed, you’re ready to concede
You stay out of my way, but everything you say
Just serves to drive it through, you’re not the girl I knew

Everything is not as it appears as the ripples spread across the well of tears
I toss a 10p piece and wish the old you could be released, and that you were here
As daybreak nears, another droplet disappears
Into the well of tears

Stuck Inside of Avignon (With The John Stuart Mill’s Tombstone Blues Again)

An MP3 of this song is available here. And yes, I’m aware that the title is silly. Thanks for your concern.

Edit: When I lived in Avignon, from time to time I’d take a walk to the local graveyard to try to find Mill’s grave. My guidebook and the cemetery signs agreed that it was there, but neither ever led me to it.

A thousand miles from home, wherever that may be
My hat’s still in my suitcase and my heart remains with me
She, she could explode for all I care
If I had hot water, I’d wash her right out of my hair

Please… Don’t Take This Personally (Why Don’t You Piss Off, Because No-one Likes You?)

No MP3 of this song is available yet. The canonical lyrics are somewhat dated; I hope to update them some time in the future to reflect Modern Trends of the type that normally pass me by.

It’s not your asthma that makes you anathema
Nor that you’re stupid and you smell
Your conspiracy theory is clearly dreary
But there’s something more as well
An indefinable something that makes you such a hopeless prat
And makes being near you hell

(I’m in Love With Her) Record Collection

No MP3 of (I’m in Love With Her) Record Collection is available yet.

There’s a girl I’ve never seen before
Browsing in the record store
She’s behaving like an obsessive fan
Looking for some Bowie on import from Japan
And I’m in love with her

Metamorphosis

No MP3 of Metamorphosis is currently available, but that may change soon.

For the first time in ages, you smiled without tears
And when you said you were fine, I believed you for the first time in years
You seemed six inches taller, your old clothes looked new
You said that you’d found someone and he’s in love with you

And everybody’s happy for you, you found the love we all hoped you’d find
I’m just not sure if it’s a shame for the rest of mankind

Show Up Naked With Some Food

No MP3 of Show Up Naked… is currently available.

A friend of mine came up to me today
She said “Hello Kensson!” (She’s friendly that way)
“There’s this guy I really fancy but he doesn’t appreciate the way I feel.”
I said “This man is obviously an imbecile!”
She said “Well yes, he’s a man.” I said “That’s not very nice!
“And if you’re going to be like that, I’m not going to give you advice.”
She apologised and I said “OK, your problem is easily resolved:
“There’s a surefire way to get almost any man romantically involved.
“I don’t know what’s the matter with this dude
“His perspective on things is badly skewed
“But he will no longer need to be pursued
“If you show up naked with some food.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” she said, “but he’s staying at the Lewis and Clark
“Motel, and if you think I’m walking past the Haufbrau completely stark
“Naked, you’re sadly mistaken.”
I smiled, “Point taken.
“Even on a summer night, temperatures here can drop to freezing
“And it ruins the effect if you stand on the doorstep sneezing.
“Perhaps you’re worried he might think you crude
“But don’t be! No man is that much of a prude
“You’re bound to catch him in the mood
“If you show up naked with some food.”

“Before I go,” she said, “just a couple more things.
“What kind of food would you recommend I bring?”
I said “This calls for top-class catering
“So visit Cosmic, purveyors of pizza fit for a king.”
“And what about perfume – might the wrong scent deflect the darts of Cupid?”
I said “Look. You’re going to stand on his doorstep. In the buff. With a pizza. And you’re worried you’re going to smell stupid?”
“And what if he doesn’t fancy me – do all my dreams go down the pan?”
I just smiled – “Like you told me, he’s a man.
“These are not issues upon which you should brood
“They simply don’t matter when you’re nude
“Your intent will not be misconstrued
“If you show up naked with some food.”

Tangled Up In Bob

An MP3 of Tangled Up In Bob is available here. Lyrics are mine, the tune is (predictably) Bob Dylan’s Tangled Up In Blue.

Early one morning, the sun was shining, I walked into HMV
Wondering if they had anything I needed on CD
I wandered up to the Dylan section, couldn’t believe my eyes
Blood on the Tracks and Blonde on Blonde were both 6.95
Immediately I snapped them up, the friend with me said “But…
“Kensson, you already own them both.” I said “Shut
“Your gob! I’m tangled up in Bob.”